The Law of Attraction has exploded over the past few years. And, like everything deep, wild, ancient and true, the manifestation trend has been commercialised, bypassing the depth, magic and darkness of the real manifestation process. This hijacked version of manifestation promises quick tips to get what you want, dangling glamorous carrots on social media, where vulnerable people (maybe all of us?) scroll listlessly, wondering why they’re ‘not manifesting’.
What I’m seeing already in my coaching practice is women believing that they are flawed because they aren’t living the dream. What lies beneath this is not the fact that some people are born manifestors and others aren’t. Rather, it’s because manifestation and self-worth are bound together and, while manifestation is sexy in a commercial sense, self-worth isn’t. We’re not hearing about self-worth and how it relates to manifestation, and this is vital information.
What all the quick-fix manifestation guides, articles and courses conveniently miss is that effective manifestation of our desires actually hinges on self-worth. It’s difficult to create something that, unconsciously, you don’t believe you deserve.
Not only that, but self-worth contributes more to health and happiness than anything that could possibly be pasted on a vision board. But self-worth doesn’t sell cosmetics, weight-loss programs or any products at all. Rather, it empowers us to deeply examine whether we are deficient at all, to discern what will nourish our wild selves and to discover what really matters.
A pandemic of self-worth could crash the economy.
Globally, consumers spend an estimated $382 billion on beauty products each year, while the global wellness economy was valued at $4.5 trillion in 2018. I’m not suggesting that wellness and beauty are in themselves bad, simply that there are ginormous vested interests in maintaining the status quo of low self-worth, which allows marketers to keep subliminally promising that nail creams, supplements, superfoods and quick courses in manifestation will lead to freedom, wholeness and nourishment.
When I’m working on issues around manifestation with clients, we’re almost always led back to the foundation of self-worth, where we must work from the ground up. What I’m discovering is that simply doing the work to cultivate self-worth is a joyous experience in itself and that manifestation often becomes secondary to feeling at home in one’s body, mind and soul.
If I were to come up with a quick manifestation formula (if such a thing were possible) it would be this: begin by ‘manifesting’ self-worth.
- Lean into your triggers with curiosity
Instead of running from things that irritate, upset and enrage you, begin to ask yourself why. Notice the symptoms in your body when you feel offended, threatened or annoyed, and shower them with curiosity and label your emotions as they arise. This will not only make you more effective in relationships; it will also point you towards where your blocks, beliefs and patterns lie. Awareness is a marker of self-worth.
- Examine the things you want to manifest
I regularly take clients through a process where we drill deeper into what they really want. Almost always, they discover that the things on their vision board are symbols of deeper needs like freedom, autonomy, wholeness and self-worth. Alternatively, vision board items can be things they believe will give them status or worth in the eyes of others. Knowing why you want something gives you vital information about your own sense of self-worth.
- Once you’ve identified the deeper desires, look for evidence of them in the present (you will find it!)
If you feel nourished when you make pumpkin soup for yourself, acknowledge it. If you feel free when you’re walking through the bush near your home, celebrate it. If you feel reverence, even for a second, when looking into the eyes of your child, bear witness to this felt sense. This will not only allow you to enjoy the present moment but will leverage the law of attraction to bring more of what you are noticing into your experience (because that’s how manifesting works).
- Allow yourself to feel your feelings
I’ve noticed a growing fear of ‘negativity’ in the wellness and manifestation world.
While it’s true that our thoughts create reality, it’s way more powerful to be able to accept a thought or feeling and allow it to be rather than pushing it away. Conversely, shouting affirmations over the top of your ungratefulness, anger, blame or fear will just drive these emotions deeper underground.
Once you know that you’re feeling unhappy or edgy or anxious, you are in a position of power where you can make the choice to soothe yourself in truly healthy ways, and build habits around this, cultivating self-worth as you take care of yourself again and again.
- The single most powerful tool for manifestation and marker of deep self-worth is learning how to treat yourself with compassion
In my coaching practice, I notice the prevalence of the belief that unkind, guilt-inducing self-talk is necessary for motivation. So many women believe that, without this critical chatter, they would never get anything done or be good enough. Paradoxically, it’s this critical voice that perpetuates low self-worth. But the answer is not to criticise the critical voice – it’s to recognise that the voice thinks that it’s protecting you by criticising you, and to shower it with compassion while you make the choice, over and over to allow yourself grace and kindness.
This new way of being is a stretch for many people. But I’ve noticed that when a woman ‘gets it’, a light goes on in her eyes and her posture shifts and opens. She embodies self-worth and programs fresh, life-affirming ways of thinking and behaving into her unconscious mind every time she speaks compassionately to herself. She moves from comparing, judging and controlling to flowing, intuiting and trusting. It is a beautiful thing to watch a woman become the magnetic leader of her own life.
So, before you paste another picture on the vision board, I invite you to go deeper, wilder and wider into your own wisdom and examine how you are speaking to yourself, why you want what you want and how adept you are at feeling your emotions. Anything you manifest from this place of deep self-worth will be healing for you and the world around you.