11 qualities of a good listener + why listening matters more than ever
How to be a good listener
A few years ago, after hearing my kids say, ‘You’re not listening to me, Mum’ one too many times, I decided to research the art of listening and find out how to do it properly.
Family communication expert Karina Meecham sums up what I learned:
“To be a skilled listener you must first learn to listen to yourself. You need the skills of active listening, the willpower to hold back from giving advice and the strength to walk beside another and hold space for them as they dive into the dark, trusting that they will find their way home. You hold a candle for them but you don’t show them the way. You acknowledge their pain, but you don’t try to take it from them.”
If you can do this, you will give your loved ones – especially your children – one of the greatest gifts.
This is something I find to be true, and a skill I’m still practicing. As I get better at listening, I notice that my relationships feel warmer and more authentically connected than ever before.
How to be a good listener:
Set an intention to listen more than you speak. Notice how this feels in your body.
Reflect what the person is saying back to them, rather than dipping into your own story.
Adopt a curious mindset. Instead of judging according to your model of the world, why not grow curious about someone else’s?
Ask people directly what they need and how you can help them? Often, they will say that they just want to talk to someone.
Ask better questions about things that matter. Forget external achievements, awards and the usual and focus on the cues you get from others. I promise you that your conversations will be way more interesting!
Instead of thinking about what people might be thinking of you, lean into being present with someone else and giving them the gift of eye contact and warmth.
Connect with your own body when you’re interacting with others. Be aware of your breathing, thoughts and sensations. Listening is a masterclass in presence.
If you’re unable to be fully present with someone who is asking for your support, be honest about it and make a time with them where you can commit to listening deeply.
Help others to articulate their hopes and dreams. Be a vision holder for those you love.
Ask to be properly listened to yourself. If you have something important to say, let those you love know how they can support you.
Most importantly, listen to yourself. Hear the whispers of your wild soul, the longing for rest, creative expression, connection and nourishment. When you can listen to yourself skillfully and without judgement, you bring the gift of your authenticity to the world.
Ready to optimise your communication skills to create connected relationships? I can help.
Geordie Bull is a transformational coach and NLP practitioner who works with mothers who are ready to use the power of the mind to optimise their lives as parents, businesswomen and leaders. Connect with Geordie at www.geordiebull.com.au , on IG @geordiebullcoaching or FB at Geordie Bull – Transformational Coach + NLP Practitioner.