How to create healthy relationships in 2024
Like many people, I grew up with an unconscious belief that my emotions were dictated by external events and other people.
If someone said something mean, I felt awful, and life seemed dismal. On the flip side, a kind remark could make me feel great, and life was amazing. It was a constant pendulum that, at the time, seemed normal.
Finding the motivation to learn self-regulation
Relationship challenges forced me to question this way of being. Family life felt like an unmanageable melting pot of volatile personalities and erratic behaviours that created a constant sense of internal chaos and overwhelm.
I learned that, for me to experience successful relationships, I required a new normal—one that involved taking fierce responsibility for my own emotional reactions.
How I built self regulation into my life
I made a commitment to become aware of my own emotional state as often as possible
This required flipping the script from that ‘they’ were doing to what emotions I was feeling. I learned to see my emotions as an internal guidance system that intertwined with my thoughts and beliefs. I began to connect emotions with sensations in my body, observing that I felt anger in my solar plexus or anxiety in my throat and chest.
This simple awareness created space between stimulus and response, and I began to stop habitual behaviours. It was incredibly empowering to discover I was no longer a victim to my own unconscious reactions.
I set clear, soul-led intentions about who I wanted to be and worked on manifesting thoughts, beliefs and emotions that matched these intentions
Once I identified all the things I didn’t want to experience in my relationships, the next step was imagining what I did want to have!
I used visualisation techniques to begin painting a picture of how I wanted to show up in relationships, getting as specific as possible.
Acting out of choice rather than being a victim of habitual emotional reactions allowed me to ask more beautiful questions and design a way of being that first lived in my imagination and eventually became a reality.
What would change if you started doing these two things today?
Paying attention to how you feel all day, every day - especially in reaction to other people
Imagining how you want to feel, behave, think and believe in relationship to other people
Here are a few possibilities…
Anxiety around relationships falls away, allowing you to express yourself authentically and lead others to do the same
You move beyond fear and claim opportunities, love, and money that are your birthright
Instead of seeking approval, you become someone powerful enough to approve of yourself and others, positively influencing all who come into contact with you
Your time and energy are channeled into thoughts and intentions that serve your soul, leading to a feeling that life is on your side
You find a balance between empathy for others and personal boundaries
Imagine a world where everyone has learned to manage themselves. How much more beautiful could our relationships, institutions, systems, and communities be?
One person learning the most important skill in the world can teach through their example to their families, communities, and workplaces. That person could be you.
Geordie x
