How to identify your authentic values
Most people don’t have a clear idea of their own authentic values
Instead, they have a vague list of shoulds that they’ve absorbed from family and culture. Some common ones include, “I should be athletic, slim, wealthy, altruistic, kind, extraverted, well-read, organised, well-travelled, family-oriented etc”. Without examination, these external messages can direct our lives and give rise to a constant feeling of failure.
Each of us has been born with a unique set of authentic values that are deeply meaningful to us. Pouring energy into shoulds instead of authentic values is not only difficult (who can be everything at once?) but sets us up for feelings of meaninglessness and inauthenticity.
The antidote to shoulds-based living is learning what your authentic values are and prioritising them in every way possible.
“Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves” – Mary Oliver
How to identify your authentic values
Identifying your authentic values begins with asking a set of questions that magnify what you truly love, enjoy, prioritise and default back to rather than what you think you should be doing.
As an example, my authentic values are personal development, family, health and travel + adventure.
This is evident because I spend most of my time researching, conversing, creating and planning on these topics. I am intrinsically motivated to pursue these things – they are their own reward.
Some things I wish I valued more are: community, wealth, fitness (yes, fitness is different to health!) and socialising. I know these aren’t authentic values for me because I don’t tend to naturally prioritise them and have to motivate myself or be externally motivated to put time and energy into them.
The key point when going through the authentic values worksheet is to be radically honest with yourself about what you do best with and where you currently spend your time, money and energy.
Find your authentic values here.
What to do with your authentic values
Once you’ve been honest enough with yourself to discover your authentic values, you can use them to create magic in your life. Your values contain the secret to accessing your true power.
For example, if I want more wealth in my life, the fastest way to access it will be to link wealth with my core values of personal development, family, health and travel. I can do this by asking, “How will becoming wealthy allow me to grow as a person, benefit my family, increase my health and allow me to travel more?”
Another example is socialising. While socialising isn’t one of my authentic values, it is still an important and enriching part of life that I want to optimise. I do this by exploring how socialising aligns with my authentic values. When I do this, I naturally gravitate towards social events or people that enhance my values or look for creative ways to view social interactions as opportunities for personal growth.
You can align anything you want with your authentic values and watch it manifest with greater ease.
Values in relationships
Understanding your authentic values allows you to recognise that everyone has a unique set of values and that no values are superior or inferior.
This knowledge can prevent you from imposing your values on others or expecting them to share yours.
I invite you to become curious about the values of those closest to you. Notice what they love, the activities that energise them, what they enjoy talking about and where they spend the most time and money and you’ll discover who they truly are.
Once you know who they truly are, you are free from having unrealistic expectations of them and can instead direct your energy into your own values, and to communicating with their values in mind.
If you’re still not convinced about the importance of identifying your authentic values, here are some extra benefits:
Knowing your authentic values allows you to:
- Accept yourself and others on a deep level
- Set effective boundaries that allow you to say no (more often) to lower values
- Understand and channel your unique gifts and potential
- Align goals and visions with your values to enhance manifestation
- Experience authentic, healthy relationships
- Let go of ‘shoulds’
Ready to identify your authentic values?
Download my free worksheet or book a coaching session for a deep dive into your values and how to design your life around them.
Geordie x
