Feeling jealousy or envy? How to use these emotions to manifest
Let's talk about something we don't often speak of: envy and jealousy. These sneaky emotions hang out in the unconscious and have a way of messing with our self-worth.
Feeling a bit envious or jealous doesn't mean you're messing up. These emotions are like messengers, dropping hints about what's going on beneath the surface – your unconscious thoughts and beliefs along with your authentic desires.
Embrace them, and they can turn into your empowerment allies. It's all about understanding and a bit of soul-searching.
Spotting the difference between envy and jealousy
Envy is when you want what someone else has, like a fantastic job opportunity or considerate partner. Jealousy, on the other hand, is about fear and the worry of being abandoned or betrayed.
An example of envy from my own life
For year’s, I followed a supermum on Instagram with a tribe of perfectly groomed kids, a minimalist house on the beach and a thriving business. Needless to say, I began to notice some bitchy thoughts arising every time she came up on my feed. Hello, envy.
How to work with envy
Befriend it: Invite envy in to the conscious part of your mind by dropping the idea that it's wrong to envy someone. Envy is like a GPS telling you where you are in relation to your authentic desires. It also indicates the beliefs holding you back. Take my Insta-scrolling drama as an example. Those perfect mum pics triggered some not-so-nice thoughts that pointed me towards the beliefs I held about money and family harmony and deservingness
Examine limiting beliefs: Figure out why you think you can't have what she has. In my case, it was an old association of money with greed and a belief that ‘you can’t have money and be a good person’ as well as ‘ you can’t have a clean house and spend time with your kids’. These are beliefs that are worth questioning
Find out what they have that you so desperately want, and work on it! Through envying this woman, I discovered that I actually wanted to feel organised, to look nice and have money, and that I had pushed these desires down because I believed they could not be true for me. I believed it was unfair that she had so much money and a happy family. Interesting…Up until then, I’d been unaware of these beliefs
Following this beautiful woman on social media served to expand my belief in what was possible. She allowed me to identify what I wanted clearly, with emotion, and to figure out why I believed I couldn’t have it – then change it (which I did!)
Cracking the code on jealousy
Last week I stayed up for a couple of nights binge-watching Bridgerton on Netflix, and it bought to light the long history of jealousy between women…. and its reason for being. Not so long ago, a woman’s ability to attract and keep a man literally defined her worth and allowed her to survive. Remnants of this still remain in our culture, and have been passed down through generations of women.
Think of jealousy as your survival buddy. The stronger the jealousy, the more it's linked to your unconscious survival fears. When jealously is pushed back down, it festers and can manifest as rage or manipulative, passive aggressive or controlling behaviour, as seen in the women of Bridgerton. But when we’re willing to look at it with curiosity, jealousy becomes our friend.
How to work with jealousy
Become your own parent: As you do the work of leaning into your deepest fears, you’ll likely discover a time, or many times in your past when you were abandoned, whether emotionally or physically. This is the fear that is triggered when you feel jealous. Recognising this allows you to separate what is going on now from the painful abandonment you experienced as a child.
Imagine what you might have needed to feel safe during those times you felt abandoned as a child - perhaps warmth, a smile, a hug, a listening ear or even a caring adult presence or roof over your head, and imagine giving those things to yourself in the here and now. This can mean learning to speak to yourself in kind, warm tones and becoming an encourager and supporter to yourself.
Face the worst case scenario: Allow yourself to visualise the worst case scenario - your partner leaving you for someone else or betraying you in some way. Then imagine how you would support yourself through that experience. This is a way of showing your unconscious that you have your own back, that you are safe and held and supported. When you practice this, eventually, you’ll find your relationship with jealousy shift into something more comfortable and manageable. Remember, jealousy is just information being delivered to you by your unconscious mind. When you give this shadow emotion a seat at your table and really listen to what it’s trying to tell you, it transforms into insight.
Jealousy and envy are traditionally shadow emotions that we’re taught to feel ashamed of. But the minute you decide to take a good look at them and listen to their wisdom, they will directly show you what you need to survive and ultimately thrive.
Need more help navigating the emotional maze of envy and jealousy? Use my free journal prompts and guided audio to dive deep into these shadow emotions and turn them into gold.
Geordie Bull is a transformational coach and NLP practitioner who works with mothers who are ready to use the power of the mind to optimise their lives as parents, businesswomen and leaders. Connect with Geordie at www.geordiebull.com.au , on IG @geordiebullcoaching or FB at Geordie Bull – Transformational Coach + NLP Practitioner.