How to stop masking and show up as your authentic self - even when its uncomfortable
There’s something many of us in western culture learn to do at a young age. We learn to perform rather than just be ourselves.
And it’s completely unconscious. When faced with other humans – even humans we like – we find ourselves donning masks or acting in ways that aren’t fully authentic. It sort of comes over us and feels out of our control.
Why does masking matter?
If people like us and are happy with us, isn’t that the point?
It matters because there’s nothing more exhausting than performing socially.
Also, we all have an intrinsic need to be seen for who we really are. While ever we are performing, no one can see us or really know us. And that’s a lonely way to live.
I realised that I was doing this a few years back and literally began to watch myself turn into a chatty, gossip as soon as I was in the vicinity of certain people. Even when I tried to be myself, I couldn’t switch this performance off – it was that powerful.
Here’s how I learned to drop the mask
First, I became aware of my tendency to abandon myself in order to belong, to be liked, accepted and approved of
I witnessed the change that happened when I shapeshifted around different people, and began the performative dance to survive a conversation with people I thought I couldn’t relate to and assumed wouldn’t like me if I showed up differently
I stepped into bravery, focused on my breath, allowed uncomfortable silences and experimented with letting myself feel disapproval and still like yourself. I felt my feet on the earth and the sun on my face. I returned my attention to my body no matter what was going on outside of me
But before that, I first removed myself from social situations that made it excruciating not to mask or perform (ie trying not to gossip around people who only gossip is near impossible). After refining my social life, I then had to start setting clear intentions before I socialised. One of the big ones that helped was:
“I seek to find things to like in people, I don’t need to be liked.”
If this resonates, know that you’re not alone. In this culture, every second person is masking and performing socially.
Start setting intentions for how you want to show up authentically when you socialise, even if it feels awkward. We deserve to really know you, and when you do this, it will give others permission to drop their masks.
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