My story: How NLP transformed my life + how it can help you
How to get help for your mental health.
Six years ago, my life felt completely chaotic.
I struggled to stay organised, felt completely overwhelmed and could not show up as the mother and wife I wanted to be.
The worst part was that I was very self-aware and held high ideals. I knew I should be more patient, calm and kind. I knew I shouldn’t smack or yell or ignore my kids when they needed me most. But when the crunch came, something inside me would snap and I would go back to acting in ways I wasn’t proud of, leading to a constant sense of guilt.
This was incredibly painful because - more than anything - I cared about my family and close relationships. And it was within these relationships that all my dysfunction showed up.
I approached a family therapist because I wanted someone to give me answers, to guide me back towards the wife and mother I dreamed of being. But I also had a niggling sense that the answers were within me, and that no behaviour management system or communication blueprint would work until I uncovered what was causing me to think, act and speak in ways I wasn’t proud of.
With the help of my therapist, I began to scratch below the surface of my emotional triggers and found a truckload of pain and sadness that I had never seen or felt before.
I discovered that my reactions were unconscious emotional patterns that were linked to childhood experiences – many of which I had not considered traumatic because, at that time, they were culturally considered normal experiences that you just had to ‘get over’ – being ignored by someone close, experiencing coldness from a parent or even getting excluded by a friend group.
My therapist taught me that trauma is not defined by how bad an event was but by how we make meaning of it, digest and internalise it. Most of the traumas that lead to negative emotions, habits and behaviours would be considered minor. The problem is that, to our unconscious minds, they are not minor.
After months, I asked my therapist how the exercises she was leading me through (which seemed strange, hypnotic and sometimes non-sensical) worked. She replied, “It’s called NLP”.
What is NLP (Neurolingustic Programming)?
NLP is a set of questions, tools and techniques used to communicate with the unconscious part of the human mind.
It was developed by a group of people who studied highly successful therapists with the aim of figuring out what exactly made them so successful at helping clients to change habits and behaviours. This group discovered that these therapists were highly skilled at communicating with the unconscious part of their client’s mind by using a certain kind of language. As they dug further into the study, it became clear to them that lasting change was not created at the surface level or conscious part of the mind but at a deeper level that most people are not aware of.
NLP has continued to evolve, and you’ll find it in the backstories of many influential people like Tony Robbins, Regan Hillyer, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates and Russell Brand. It is an extremely powerful modality that can be used to fast track success, which is why it’s been adopted by many salespeople and successful entrepreneurs.
How NLP helped me
From the first session, my therapist led me through guided, hypnotic visualisations that allowed me to get to the unconscious root of what was preventing me from being who I wanted to be.
During these visualisations, I could see deep into memories and the feelings associated with them, and gain a clear understanding of why I was struggling. From here, I was able to not only treat myself with more compassion, but to consciously plant new feelings, behaviours, thoughts and beliefs into the unconscious part of my mind (yes, this sounds woo woo and yes, it is possible!).
The proof that this approach was working came over time in the complete shift in behaviour in our kids, a renewed love and respect in a marriage that was previously feeling shaky and a newfound confidence that anything was possible. I have since used NLP techniques daily to manage anxiety, unblock dysfunctional beliefs as they arise, communicate more effectively and up level in every area of my life.
How I use NLP in coaching sessions
NLP provides me with a set of questions, tools and techniques that give clients access to the contents of their own unconscious minds, allowing them to understand why they do what they do, and to transform it at a deep level.
NLP as a lifelong tool for self-regulation
When it comes to healing deep-rooted patterns of behaviour, addiction and emotional habits, there are no quick fixes.
NLP techniques are best used both with a trained therapist or coach, and repetitively at home. That’s why I’ve created NLP-informed guided meditations and journal prompts that allow you to gain access to the unconscious part of your own mind and reinforce the new feelings, habits, beliefs and behaviours daily – until they become your new normal.
Tending to the unhealed, unconscious parts of your mind is such worthy, beautiful work. I am honoured to support people who are healing the world by healing themselves.
Geordie x
